How to Win Friends and Network -- and Not be Shy
By Daniel June
One wonders if such books as "How to Win Friends and Influence People," ever changed anybody's actual behavior. One's style of making friends seems intuitive, a basic life skill we've formed within the first ten years of life. Yet there is another sense that we can pick up interpersonal skills along the way that help us express the friendliness we might otherwise repress. For instance, Albert Ellis, the famed psychologist, was morbidly shy of women. One day he set a goal for himself that he would sit in the public park and strike up conversations with dozens of random women. Sometimes it went very badly. But after a few days of doing this for hours, his anxiety was all but cured.
As a lawyer, your entire trajectory means meeting the right people, keeping an open mind, an open heart, and being likeable. We are all more or less likeable, but we put up fronts that might bar friendships. Networking and getting to know the right people means making yourself vulnerable to rejection, means putting yourself out there and letting friendships happen. Meet the people you admire and let your admiration show a bit. That, in itself, is almost irresistible.
So if you have any shy hang-ups, now's the time to go Albert Ellis on them: meet as many people in your field as you can, and hone in on the ones whom you admire, whom you would like to know better. If you feel that way, chances are it will be reciprocal.
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